Parenthood and Anxiety: Why Mental Health Matters for Both Mums and Dads

Parenthood hits you like a ton of bricks. One minute you’re celebrating, the next you’re spiraling with ‘what ifs’ and ‘am I ready for this?’ It’s a wild mix of excitement, panic, and everything in between. Feeling anxious? Totally normal. After all, nothing shakes up your world quite like becoming a parent. Anxiety is a natural response to the unknown, and few things are as uncertain as stepping into parenthood. For many, this anxiety can become overwhelming, especially when coupled with the pressure to be ‘strong’, ‘in control’ and ‘perfect’ at all times. At least this is what social media would have us believe anyway! Parents often feel like they need to have all the answers, to be the rock their child can depend on. But this expectation can leave little room for acknowledging your own struggles or seeking help when you need it. 

Anxiety often stems from a desire for control. We like to feel like we’re steering our lives in the right direction, making choices that shape our future. But parenthood, especially for first-time parents, can feel like stepping into uncharted territory. The uncertainties are endless: Will I be a good parent? Can I provide for my child? How will my relationships change? These questions can leave even the most confident individuals feeling vulnerable. And when you add societal expectations to the mix, like the idea that parents should always be strong and self-assured, it’s easy to see how anxiety can spiral. For mothers, this anxiety is often compounded by the physical and emotional demands of pregnancy, and the anticipation of birth. But fathers, too, face their own set of challenges. While they may not be experiencing the physical changes of pregnancy, they’re often grappling with the pressure to support their partner, prepare for their new role, and maintain a sense of stability. The truth is, no one has it all figured out. And that’s okay. Acknowledging your anxiety is the first step toward managing it.

Unrealistic expectations

Society has long held rigid expectations of women that paint them as ever-giving, nurturing figures whose primary role is to bear children and support their families. While we’ve made significant progress in challenging these outdated norms, the echoes of what a “good mother” or “good wife” should be, are still ever present. This social conditioning adds an invisible layer of pressure to an already demanding journey. Pregnancy can be a taxing experience, and when you layer societal expectations to the mix, the result can be overwhelming. 

The pressure to meet these ideals while navigating the physical changes, emotional shifts, and practical challenges of pregnancy can create a whirlwind of emotions. For many women, this combination of internal and external pressures becomes a breeding ground for anxiety and, in some cases, prenatal depression. Studies show that 1 in 5 women experience symptoms of prenatal depression, and the numbers may be even higher for professional women. For many working mothers, the pressure to excel in their careers while preparing for motherhood can feel punishing. They may feel like they have to work twice as hard to prove themselves as compared to their male counterparts. This can make it difficult to seek help or even admit that they’re struggling. What’s more, women are firefighting constantly. ‘Mum guilt’ is always palpable, in particular for those women who do seek career progression whilst nurturing a young family. Also, we are not ignoring the unspoken fears around disclosure and being labelled as ‘unfit’ or not capable by health professions and peers. But the impact of prenatal depression extends beyond the individual. When one parent is struggling, it affects the entire family. That’s why it’s so important to create a supportive environment where both parents feel comfortable addressing their mental health.

Can fathers suffer from postnatal depression?

When fathers feel excluded or unsupported during pregnancy, it can take a toll on their mental health. Studies show that around 10% of men experience depression during their partner’s pregnancy, and this number can rise to 25% in the first three to six months after birth. However, because men are often reluctant to admit they’re struggling due to societal expectations or fear of being seen as “weak”, it is suggested that these numbers are even higher due to lack of disclosure/ fear of stigma. The lack of resources and support tailored to fathers only exacerbates the problem. Many men feel unprepared or even recognise that what they’re feeling is valid. This sense of isolation can cause feelings of uncertainty and further lead to anxiety, depression, or even strained relationships with their partner, child or both.

For many fathers, the demands of work and everyday life can make it difficult to fully engage in the pregnancy journey. You might have only been able to attend the first scan, or have felt torn throughout the pregnancy. ‘Do I choose between attending antenatal appointments to demonstrate solidarity to my partner?’ Or, ‘Is it better to prove I am committed and can handle the fast moving pace and pressures of work?’ Sound familiar? And even if you take time to get involved with birth preparation classes, or seeing the community midwife, there is a sense of feeling like you don’t really belong. Recent UK maternity investigations, particularly the Birth Trauma Parliamentary Inquiry highlighted the chronic lack of inclusion of dads and partners and how this affects mental health and can contribute towards post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), particularly where there have been stressors within the *perinatal journey.

*The perinatal period encompasses pregnancy and up to the first year after birth. 

 Anxiety in new dads

Feeling seen and heard can have a significantly positive impact on one’s mental wellbeing. It isn’t just about validation, it’s about creating a sense of stability in the midst of the unknown. When fathers are included and supported, they’re better equipped to navigate the uncertainties of parenthood. Creating a safe space for fathers to express their feelings without judgment and letting them know it’s okay to feel anxious or overwhelmed can go a long way. Therapy or support groups can be incredibly beneficial during this time too. Click here to read a similar article that talks more about the need for men to seek mental health support as a new parent: 

There is a difference between regular worries about the wellbeing of your partner and your baby, and when anxiety is impacting upon your daily functioning and general well-being. Common symptoms include but are not limited to:

• feeling restless or on edge
• being irritable
• getting tired easily
• having difficulty concentrating or feeling your mind goes blank
• having difficulty getting to sleep or staying asleep
• having tense muscles

We can of course, empathise with all of these feelings being typical with a new baby in the household. So how can you tell if it’s postnatal GAD (General Anxiety Disorder). It’s tricky. Would you be able to recognise a difference? Is there even a difference at all between new parenting struggles and a mental health issue? There are lots of digital communities with the aim of helping new dads and have active discussions on these very topics. Reddit for example is famous for advice-seeking individuals.

Not Even a Day in And Feeling Overwhelmed New Dad and I’m Already Feeling Overwhelmed

“My wife just had our first child yesterday. My wife had a difficult pregnancy and yet her labor was somehow worse. Now post birth she’s (rightfully) feeling traumatized. She has to feed the baby, and boy does he like to eat. I’m trying to do everything else. I’m doing the changing, burping, holding, swaddling, and look I’m not complaining my wife did all the hard stuff she deserves a break. She’s struggling right now, but when she has the baby she’s glowing. She loves him. She’s already a perfect mother, and I feel guilty for all she had to go through. I’m really struggling with all of this. When my son was born I was elated, he’s so beautiful and perfect, but not even 24 hours later I’m already feeling like I can’t do this. It’s not even been a full day, and my anxiety is through the roof. I’ve barely slept in 3 days, and this is while being in the hospital where we have help on demand. I’m feeling overwhelmed, on the verge of tears constantly. I feel like I might have made a mistake and then I feel horrifically guilty. How am I supposed to do this? I feel like I’m barely holding myself together and I need to be strong for my wife, and take care of the baby, and I don’t know I can. I feel pathetic, people are taking care of babies all the time, and I feel like I can’t. I’m not sure I’m looking for advice, I just wanted to vent, because I don’t know who to talk to without feeling like I’m going to be judged.”

Caring for yourself is caring for your child

Pregnancy and parenting are team efforts, including fathers in the prenatal process isn’t just about supporting them; it’s about creating a stronger foundation for the entire family. When fathers feel involved and supported, they’re better equipped to support their partners, reducing the overall stress on mothers. The stigma surrounding men’s mental health is a significant barrier to addressing prenatal depression in fathers. Many men feel like they need to be the ‘strong one’, the ‘provider’, the ‘rock’. But this expectation can leave little room for vulnerability or self-care. Experiencing anxiety or depression doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human. And acknowledging these feelings is the first step toward healing. By normalising conversations about men’s mental health, we can create a more inclusive and supportive environment for all parents.

Parenthood is a shared journey, and mental health is a shared responsibility. By acknowledging the challenges faced by both mothers and fathers, we can create a more supportive and inclusive environment for families. If you’re an expectant parent, remember that it’s okay to feel anxious or overwhelmed. You’re not alone, and there’s no shame in seeking help. And if you’re supporting someone who’s expecting, take a moment to check in not just with the mother, but with the father too.

Best of luck,

Jason Miranda, Spring 2025 Intern, Lotus Maternity.

Note from Founder, Olivia,

Since this article, I have been working in localities to support perinatal mental health and have come across many charities and organisations working tirelessly to support new parents. Dads Matter are doing brilliant work and are making impact and a big difference to new parents.

Read their mission here, with more real life stories from dads and the support available in your local area

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March 14, 2025 12:07 pm advice for dads, dads, fatherhood, new dads UK, postnatal anxiety, prenatal anxiety